I used to gather inspirational quotes into an old diary when I was a teenager. One of the gems I hoarded went something like "Searching for happiness is a fruitless voyage, for the more we seek it, the more it runs away from us". I was blissfully happy with life and thoroughly sheltered from all the hardships in the world, and thought it to be quite an odd statement to make. Now, with the benefit of ten years of marriage, 23 years total parenting and twelve years living away from home experience, I see the world, unremarkably, through very different eyes. I see the truth of that curious statement, both from my own and other people's experience.
A new report out today concludes the last three years' work of 11 family experts and scholars. One of the strongest staements in its summary pages is this:
"The aggressive pursuits of personal success by adults is now the greatest threat to British children". It cites family break-ups, unprincipled advertising, too much competition in education and income inequality as being big contributing factors. I've not sifted through the hundreds of pages of research and conclusions, nor do I doubt I ever will, but from what I've seen of it, I do sincerely welcome the report and the boldness with which it seems to have been written. Firstly, it was an independent inquiry, which presumably has no hidden agenda - it's authors are not trying to sell formula milk or win political seats. Secondly, it seems to inequivocally call a number of prominent agencies and bodies to repentance ask them to seriously re-think their entire philosophy. In this day and age, that can only be a good thing; on the one hand, they'll change, on the other (if they don't), they're exposed as morons who are set in their unhelpful ways. Anyway, I digress.
This all got me thinking. Another of my favourite teenage quotes was from a ancient American writer called Nephi. He lived around 600BC and was an ancestor of the modern-day North-American Indians. In a time of great turbulence and civil unrest, he took as many as would follow him away from the great cities and wandered into the wilderness for "the space of many days", how ever long that was. They came upon a land of plenty and settled down, establishing themselves a new society, free from the persecution and wrong-doing of the old one. I'm often read and re-read what exactly it is that they do next, because Nephi goes on to say that "we lived after the manner of happiness". So what was it that they did? There are 12 practices that Nephi's people follow - and perhaps unsurprisingly, searching for happiness is not one of them:
1) They followed God's teachings.
2) They worked hard to sustain themselves and their families.
3) They shared a common goal.
4) They built-up defences against anything that would distract from their common goal.
5) They engaged in a variety of manual labours, working together on common aims.
6) They each sought to gain as much education as possible.
7) They constructed centres of worship and worshipped there.
8) They became an industrious (hard-working) people.
9) They appointed good men as their leaders.
10) They acknowledged God's hand in every aspect of their lives.
11) They kept personal histories and passed on their culture and history from father to son.
12) They were 'pleased with the things of God'.
Now, compare their society with ours. According to the experts who published today's report, the selfish pursuit of happiness is the biggest threat facing our children. May I be so bold as to suggest that this because we are too busy
looking for happiness, instead of studying the success of the ancients and doing what they have done? There is a distinct lack of respect for the wisdom of the elders in our society, an arrogance which assumes that we know better and can figure things out for ourselves. True it is that our challenges are not theirs, but we are doomed indeed if we consider to be rot all that our forebears have learned before we were even thought of.
In the spirit of that thinking, what can we learn from the 'ancients' about this business of happiness and child-rearing? I would suggest a great deal more than could be coped with here. Instead, let me offer three small tidbits of wisdom, penned by the inspirational Gordon Bitner Hinckley in 1995:
1) Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each
other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (
Psalm 127:3).
Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and
righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and
to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments
of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and
wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the
discharge of these obligations.
2) Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on
principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love,
compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.
3) By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love
and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of
life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily
responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred
responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another
as equal partners.
I would be deeply interested to leave 'society' with its endless list of hazards and issues and establish a Nephi-esque culture. It would be a delicious experiment to see how the two groups would differ after, say a year. I know which one would propser and which one would not. I know exactly where I'd like to be. But short of separating ourselves physically from the rest of society, is there a way that we can apply the same principles in our own homes, for example? I believe there is, and what's more, I believe that we can be different even whilst we live amongst the rest of society. Not only that, I believe we owe it to our kids to make sure that we do.
